My husband got a motorcycle and no, I am NOT Happy
When I met my husband, when we were both barely out of our teens, he owned a motorcycle. He didn’t ride it often, but he rode it. As the years passed and we got married, bought a home, had children, responsibilities, a career and bills, the topic of him buying a motorcycle frequently came up and just as quickly, subsided. And I breathed a sigh of relief.
I came up with a million excuses as to why he shouldn’t own a motorcycle – it’s dangerous, the kids are too young, it’s dangerous, we have a house, it’s dangerous, we have bills, it’s dangerous and then he would let it go. But then one day he didn’t. He is now closer to the big 5-0 then he is to 40. He wants a motorcycle – still. We discussed the purchase in length. He knows my feelings. He knows my concerns. And while I don’t have to give my husband permission to do anything, I told him I cannot stop him from making the purchase. And so he did.
And then the floodgates opened. I told very few people about the purchase. If we happened to speak that day – I told you. And then I let it go. Because that’s what I do – I let my thoughts go. From those few people, who I respect and care about it, I received advice and questions.
After the initial shock, that he actually went out and bought the motorcycle passed, this is some of what I heard:
You “let” him buy a motorcycle? Yes, I “let” him buy a motorcycle. I do not own my husband and he is allowed to live his life. I may not always agree with his choices, but he is free to live his life – as he chooses.
I would divorce my husband if he bought a motorcycle. We discussed the option of divorce, but since neither of us want the children we decided it was easier to stay together.
Doesn’t he realize you have a child going to college next year? Yes, he is fully aware our daughter will be flying the nest next year. We all deal with things in our own way. This is his way.
Will you let the kids ride on the motorcycle? Since my children are minors and I still have a bit of control over their choices, as does my husband, they can take a ride around the block. I do not feel comfortable having them ride on the open highway. When they turn 18, we can revisit this decision.
Will you ride on the motorcycle? I have no desire to ride on the motorcycle. It is not my thing. I feel more comfortable surrounded by steel, windows and a radio. This is how I feel today – this can change at any moment. I will keep you posted.
Where will he ride the motorcycle? We live in a suburban neighborhood with the closest “main” rode one mile away and the highway is 1.2 miles away. Don’t be surprised if you see him on the highway.
Does it bother you that he knows you aren’t happy about his decision but went and did it anyway? Of course I am not happy he made the choice he did. But on the other hand, he is a hard working adult, who supports his family, and he needs to make himself happy too. I am not going to be “the person” responsible for stomping on his needs/dreams.
Do you support his decision? I am being as supportive as I can be. I saw one photo of the motorcycle. He bought the helmet and jacket without my input. He has asked me questions about which bike to buy and my standard response has been, “Your bike. Your thing.” I may not be walking around screaming and crying about the purchase, but I don’t want any part of it either. He has even thanked me for my support.
How are you not flipping out? I am a grown ass adult. Flipping out is not an option, I have two children, who look to me (even when we don’t realize it) for guidance. If I flip out – they will flip out every time he gets on the bike. He will be fine. He will be fine. (my new mantra).
Do you have Life Insurance? We do. And yes, I plan on raising it.
You should be concerned if he gets into an accident and is then disabled. Thank you for taking my mind to a place I would have been much happier not going. I will be looking into disability insurance, as well.
I think I have covered all the questions and statements that come along with my husband’s decision to buy a motorcycle. And since I refuse to sit in the corner, rolled up in a ball, thinking about all the ‘what ifs,’ ultimately, I know my husband needed to do this for him and while it may not be a decision I like, I trust he will be okay.